Holly Hartman
What is your child afraid of?
Fear is a normal emotion caused by danger, pain, or the unknown, and toddlers encounter lots of unknowns as they explore sounds, sights, tastes, and other new experiences every day. Fears are real to your child, even when they involve common and unthreatening situations. It may be tempting to laugh at or dismiss our toddler’s fear of shadows at bedtime, but how we respond to their distress can either support or delay their emotional development.
Many fears have a developmental pattern. Stranger anxiety and separation from their trusted adults are common fears of infants, while preschoolers may be anxious about noises, animals, monsters, bedtime, bathtime, people who look different… the list is long and often perplexing! Fortunately, these kinds of fears usually resolve themselves as your child grows.
Some fears develop with independence and initiative. For example, when a child starts walking and understands she can leave mom, she realizes mom can leave her as well. At any age, we have a certain amount of fear to overcome the first time we try something that seems risky . When we let our child see us try new things, talk with them to name our own fears, and describe what we do to cope, we give them strategies and confidence to meet their own challenges.
When dealing with your child’s fears:
Do: offer understanding and recognition of the fear: “Loud noises like thunder can be scary!”
Do not: shame your child for their fears.
Do: help your child approach a fearful situation at their own pace, which will probably be slow. Allowing the child to decide how close to get to the friendly dog gives them a sense of control and less fear.
Do not: expect your child’s fear to go away overnight.
Do: provide helpful information about the cause of the fear at a time when your child is not anxious. Explain why dogs bark, or how shadows are made. Reading a book together can offer a chance to talk together about the fear and how to cope with it.
Do Not: force your child to face their fears. This approach often makes the situation worse and may cause your child to try and hide their feelings.
Do: monitor your child’s screen time. Even if you think your child is not watching, they are! Screen images are designed to capture and hold our attention, and children are particularly vulnerable.
Like adults, children bring their own temperaments to the development of emotional regulation. Whether your child is naturally cautious and hesitant, or impulsive and eager in new situations, they look to you for a sense of control and safety as they explore the wonders and worries of their expanding world!
For more information, contact your local HealthySteps specialist or County Health Department.